Let's Talk Taboo – Grooming & Child Abuse

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I can already see people switching off!  Well you don’t want to be me – so please stick with it!!  I can already hear “well my child would tell me” – wrong – dumbed down by fear and threats.

“It wouldn’t happen in my life, nor in this area where I live “– Wrong.

This crime of grooming and child abuse is endemic across society.

Why wait until it is too late? You want your child to cross the road safely; not to binge drink; ride a bike safely on the road; not to take drugs but this crime leaves a permanent scar for the rest of a child’s life. Surely that makes it a subject which needs to be opened up and discussed?

I maybe a dinosaur of almost 65 yrs old, BUT in 2002 I discovered my best friend of 17 years and boss for 10 years whilst I was a teacher and governor at the school, was in fact unknowingly to us all –  a paedophile.  What I failed to see was his grooming and sexual abuse of  my 3 sons. I am a Mum of 4 children, and my daughter at the time when 6 yrs old old despised him ! I wrongly assumed she was just being difficult, not unusual for Nicky, I think she was born with PMT !  I must live with the fact I never asked her WHY she disliked him so strongly, and sadly to my own cost.

And so the creation of the charity Enough Abuse UK began.

NSPCC  statistics end of 2016: these are REPORTED figures:

Approx 12 million children in the UK.

1 in 20 report HAS BEEN sexually abused in UK.

1 in 5 children are suffering from other forms of serious abuse.

1 in 5 adults report suffering serious abuse as a child.

Adults abused as a child are 12 times more likely to to attempt suicide and 1 in 10 succeed . It causes huge mental health problems and addictions of all kinds.

The abuses are – sexual, emotional, neglect, verbal, physical.

ANY protracted abuse causes harm to the young developing brain.

So here comes the first piece of advice:
Negative behaviours have negative reasons – do you ask WHY? Or do you make your own assessment? Children lack the language skills to tell you AND grooming and abusing children is a game for the offenders.

You ALL know a child being abused, someone who has been abused, and dare I say it someone doing it. They don’t wear a flashing light on their head. It is always the behaviour which gives the clue.

You SENSE grooming – you truly do. That quirky feeling in your gut that says something isn’t right here. If it doesn’t feel right then it isn’t right ! Don’t logic away the feeling.

The bird senses the cat is a predator by instinct and flies away we don’t -we hang around justifying why we should not be thinking what we feel. Your gut i.e. solar plexus is your second brain it is your alarm bell for harm – RESPECT IT !!! AND PUT DISTANCE between your child and the person causing concern.

SO what are the signs – offline grooming?
ALL these actions we do at times, but these will be EXAGERATED from the abuser and he/she will be displaying about 6 or more on a regular basis. We have been able to identify issues just by asking mums to tick the bullet points when they are concerned about someone, and see how many they confirm, and you see the parents register the truth.

Parents and carers YOU will be groomed first and befriended, this is a class act of deceit, it makes it so much harder to speak out through loyalty and disbelief !!
* Make children uncomfortable in their presence
* Some children will avoid this person – won’t want to go to their house or be alone
* The person is more interested in children than spending time with their own age group
* Suddenly want and seeks to be involved in child activities
* Been the subject of concerns
* Seek to be alone with a child and appear self sacrificing
* Unusually friendly with gifts, exciting trips out; generous
* OVERLY touchy feely playing WRESTLING games and ENCOURAGING lap sitting noticeable more physical contact than normal
* Keen to speak about their good reputation
* Concerned about their status and seem authoritative making it difficult to question their behaviour
* Be unrealistic about children speak of them in idealistic terms
* Gravitate to those who are vulnerable, troubled and isolated
* Less interested in adolescents
* Target families who are under stress and parenting is fractured making it easier to infiltrate
* Taking photos of children wearing sports and swim wear

If you can tick about 6 of these then put distance between your child and the person, and OBSERVE.

How was the response when you drop contact? Were they aggressive or accepting your decision?

Has the person now targeted another family as you stand back and watch?

Keep a note of all you see and hear and you will build a picture of ill intent very quickly which will in turn match your quirky feeling and you will see WHY you felt uneasy.

ONLINE grooming and abuse:

PLEASE do NOT put photos of your children on FACEBOOK .

These are accessed by abusers and cut;

pasted and airbrushed into child abuse images the paced in the Dark Web.

PLEASE be aware of social media age limits
Children innocently provide a third of child abuse images by sexting accessed by paedophile.

PLEASE don’t allow your child on Musical ly – it is lettered with paedophiles.

In closing I hope you find this article of interest and helpful. Please do see our website we train across the UK in EVERY sector, and in Europe in.

TAKE CARE OF YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN and DON’T BE COMPLACENT CHILD ABUSE IS CLOSER TO YOU THAN YOU WISH TO BELIEVE.

I hope to hear from some Mums and Dads and Grandparents and let’s arrange an event to keep your children safe!!

Enough Abuse UK is a Registered Charity, with the sole aim of reducing the incidence of Child Sexual Abuse.  Its training and consultancy operation is focused on the education of grooming, the preamble to sexual and other forms of abuse.
This knowledge enables all those with a duty of care to be able to better protect children by recognising a threat and preventing abuse before it begins.  The knowledge when delivered to children builds their resilience to resist inappropriate behaviour directed at them.
Enough Abuse UK works across the UK and Europe whilst building relations with the US.  This means they can share programs and increase effectiveness across the EU and access support and knowledge from the USA.
The founder of Enough Abuse UK, Marilyn Hawes, was a music teacher whose sons were sexually groomed and assaulted by their Head Teacher, a close family friend. Using her professional and personal experience Marilyn delivers education on how to recognise Grooming, the preamble to Child Sexual Assault.
Marilyn supports an extraordinary team of Directors, Trustees, Patron & Ambassadors, Consultants and Supporters all focused on the goal of reducing the incidence of Child Sexual Abuse.